Beyond Cuckoo

It has been reported that W.C Fields, each morning, on the way to the movie studio, would dictate his P-Ps to his live-in secretary as he sipped from one of several flasks that would get him through his day. These Pet-Peeves were later mailed to politicians, movie studio moguls, corporations, financial institutions, doctors, law firms and anyone else who deserved his wrath and wisdom.

George Carlin wrote the New York Times Bestseller, BRAINDROPPINGS, with the same finesse as Fields, with some extra fervor and language not available to Fields—at least not for public consumption. It is in the spirit of these two men that I offer:

My Morning P-Ps:

~!~ So why is it that when gasoline prices drop eight cents per gallon it’s a top news story?  Will groups of commuters, join hands, dance around the gas pumps and sing:

Someone’s laughing, Lord, kumbaya
Someone’s laughing, Lord, kumbaya
Someone’s laughing, Lord, kumbaya
Oh Lord, kumbaya

And the next day, when the prices rise ten cents, will they reverse the dance and sing?:

Someone’s crying, Lord, kumbaya
Someone’s crying, Lord, kumbaya
Someone’s crying, Lord, kumbaya
Oh Lord, kumbaya

~!~ John Boehner is on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno talking about how far out he is and that he has no aspirations to run for the presidency. The main reason?—because he likes to smoke cigarettes and drink red wine. Huh? He goes on to describe what fun it was to grow up as one of twelve children.  He followed the series of cute pictures and anecdotes with an attack on Obamacare. Gee, do you think his views have something to do with women’s access to birth control?

~!~ Silicon Valley Investor and Billionaire, Tom Perkins, has decided that he is part of the socially abused richest one percent. He has likened the campaign against rich people to treatment of Jews during the Holocaust. He has since tried to explain this statement off, and each time he opens his mouth he uses the other foot. I heard yacht fuel has risen eight cents. Lord, kumbaya!

~!~ The new BMWs will now come equipped with advertising that plays from your dashboard. I’m assuming it will be programmed into the GPS. They say that you can turn it off, or opt out, unsubscribe. .  . But if you do you’ll never find the nearest Starbucks.